A lesson · The Pull You Feel — In Tune or Out?
TeenThe Pull You Feel — In Tune or Out?
Attraction isn’t the villain and it isn’t the boss — this lesson gives you a real test for what’s actually running it.
Assumptions & Caveats
Before you begin
What you should know
By this age, most young people have felt real romantic attraction, and a lot of them are getting mixed, loud messages about what to do with it — either “follow it, it’s just chemistry” or “resist it, it’s dangerous” — and not much in between that actually helps them think. This lesson offers a third option: attraction can be tested. Not suppressed, not obeyed blindly — tested, the way you’d check which way a compass is actually pointing.
This lesson works the same regardless of who’s in the room — some participants will have dating experience, some won’t; some are drawn to people of a different gender, some to the same gender, some aren’t sure yet. Say plainly, early, that the test in this lesson applies identically no matter who someone is drawn to or what shape the relationship takes. Nothing you don’t already have for prep.
Why “the out-of-tune pull,” not “lust,” in the facilitator’s own words: the word “lust” only ever appears here inside a direct quotation from scripture or Science and Health — never as this lesson’s own label for what a participant is feeling. “Lust” as a label can land as shame (“I am this bad thing”) rather than as information (“something in me is out of tune right now”). The dial metaphor already needs tuning language, so it fits naturally, and it keeps the focus on discernment — what is this pull made of? — rather than on judging the person who’s feeling it.
What we're assuming
- Participants come from a range of faith backgrounds and dating experience — some are in relationships, some have never been, some are figuring out who they’re drawn to at all. No assumption is made either way. - Nobody is asked to disclose their own relationship status, orientation, or experience level. - This isn’t a purity-culture shame session and isn’t meant to feel like one. Attraction itself isn’t treated as sinful or dangerous — it’s treated as real information worth examining. - Some participants may be currently navigating pressure in a relationship — this lesson should feel safe to sit through either way, whether or not that’s true for them.
Learning goals
What they walk away with
1. Leaves able to notice, in the moment, which kind of pull is actually running — not months into a relationship, when it’s harder to see clearly. 2. Leaves knowing a strong feeling isn’t the same thing as a true one — intensity doesn’t equal rightness, and it doesn’t get final say over their worth or anyone else’s. 3. Leaves with an actual repeatable test they can run privately, on anyone, in any relationship. 4. Leaves knowing this test is exactly the same regardless of who they’re drawn to or what kind of relationship it is.
How to hold the room
Before you start talking
- Offer a private-reflection option before any group sharing — this isn’t a confession circle. - If someone pushes back with “so is attraction bad?” — welcome it, and clarify plainly: no. The lesson isn’t anti-desire. It’s pro-discernment. - Don’t assume anyone’s relationship or dating history. Let language stay gender-neutral and relationship-shape-neutral throughout (“someone you’re drawn to,” not “boyfriend/girlfriend”). - If a participant seems to be reacting to something live and real (a current relationship that’s unhealthy, pressure they’re under right now), don’t press for details in the group — offer a private conversation after.
The lesson flow
Step by step
Each beat alternates a little input, a little doing, and a little reflecting. Skip, slow down, or stretch any of these to fit your group.
Naming the pull
Ask: “Think of a time you felt really drawn to someone — a crush, a ‘talking stage,’ a real relationship, whatever fits. Nobody has to say who or share details.” Let it sit a moment. “That pull is what we’re going to look at today — not to judge it, but to actually understand it.”
Two things wearing similar clothes
Read together:
“Love makes the spiritual man, lust makes the material so-called man, and God made all that was made; therefore the so-called material man and these personal senses, with all their evidences of sin, sickness, and death, are but a dream, — they are not the realities of life; and we shall all learn this as we awake to behold His likeness.”
Christian Healing, Mary Baker Eddy, p. 17:7
“In plain terms: there’s a version of attraction that’s actually Love — the real thing, wanting good for both people — and there’s a counterfeit wearing the same clothes. This lesson calls it the out-of-tune pull, rather than reaching for a heavier word — it’s mostly about getting something for yourself, and it tends to leave you feeling tempted and not quite aligned with who you actually are. The two can feel almost identical in the first five minutes. The whole skill is learning to tell them apart before you’re five months in.”
Discuss: “Why do you think those two things get confused so easily?”
What the out-of-tune pull actually promises
Read together (facilitator note: read this one slowly, it’s dense; the quote below uses the word “lust” — that’s the source text’s own word, not a label for anyone in the room):
“DEVIL. Evil; a lie; error; neither corporeality nor mind; the opposite of Truth; a belief in sin, sickness, and death; animal magnetism or hypnotism; the lust of the flesh, which saith: ‘I am life and intelligence in matter...’”
Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy, p. 584:17
“Notice what that out-of-tune pull actually claims, according to this: not just ‘I want this person’ — but ‘this person, this feeling, this moment, is where my life and aliveness actually come from.’ That’s the tell. It convinces you that you need this to feel real, alive, or comfortable in your own thoughts. Love doesn’t work that way — Love reminds you that you were already whole before this person showed up, and so are they. Wanting someone is different from needing them to complete you.”
Then:
”...that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and...”
II Peter 1:3–6 (to 2nd “and”), King James Version
“This isn’t a one-time test you pass or fail. It’s a sequence you build — virtue, then knowledge, then temperance, each one added onto the last. You’re not supposed to have this instantly figured out. You’re supposed to be building it.”
The dial
Introduce the litmus test as a physical tool: a dial with “out of tune” on one end and “love” on the other. Hand out the lesson’s downloadable card/handout, or draw the dial on a board.
Paired signs (read through together):
| Out-of-tune end | Love end |
|---|---|
| Needs secrecy to survive | Can stand in daylight |
| Urgency — “now, or I’ll lose it” | Patience — can wait |
| Wants to possess or control | Respects the other person’s freedom |
| Focused on getting something | Wants to give, not just receive |
| The world narrows to this one craving | You’re warmer toward everyone, not just this one person |
| Leaves anxiety, self-doubt | Leaves harmony, more sense of self |
Then read:
“There is but one I, or Us, but one divine Principle, or Mind, governing all existence; man and woman unchanged forever in their individual characters, even as numbers which never blend with each other, though they are governed by one Principle.”
Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy, pp. 588:9–19
“Real love never asks the other person to stop being fully themselves, and never asks you to stop being fully yourself either. If a pull toward someone makes you smaller, or makes you need to control who they are — that’s the out-of-tune end of the dial, whatever it’s labeled as.”
Activity (pairs or individual, private if preferred): run the dial on a real or hypothetical situation. Where does it land, and why?
Closing / carry
“Whatever kind of relationship this is, whoever it’s with — the test is the same: does this bring harmony and peace to both people, or does it cost either of you your peace? That question works no matter who you’re asking it about.”
Hand out or reference the card version of the dial to keep.
What you'll need
The materials
- Paper and pens (or shared doc/whiteboard for virtual)
- The “Which Way Is It Pulling?” handout — printable, letter page, shared with the 21-plus band
If it's not going well
When this one gets heavy
- Silence is normal here — this is a genuinely private topic; let it sit. - Pushback or disagreement (“attraction isn’t bad, why are you making it complicated”) is welcome — it’s not a problem to manage, it’s the discussion working. Clarify the lesson isn’t anti-desire. - A strong emotional reaction — someone may be currently in, or just out of, a relationship this hits close to home. Pause, ground the room with something neutral, and offer a private check-in afterward rather than probing in the group. - A disclosure of real harm — coercion, pressure that doesn’t sound consensual, a relationship with a concerning age or power gap, or any sign of abuse — stop facilitating the group activity immediately, respond as a caring adult one-on-one, and follow the site’s mentor safety guidelines and your own local mandatory-reporting obligations. Don’t investigate or resolve it yourself.
For the fuller tiered guidance — including what to do if someone discloses something serious — see For Mentors.
Help this get better
Teaching this to a group we haven't planned for?
Tell us — this only gets better with your eyes on it. We read every one of these.