A lesson · Does God Make My Decisions For Me?
Age 21+Does God Make My Decisions For Me?
A practical way to move through the choices that come with real, adult-scale stakes.
Assumptions & Caveats
Before you begin
What you should know
Adults are often carrying more decision fatigue and more self-judgment about past decisions than a teenager is — a job offer, a move, a relationship, a major purchase, or a family decision (having a child, caring for an aging parent, relocating) carries real financial, relational, or family weight, and years of previous choices sitting behind it. Some adults in the room will have already prayed hard about a past decision that didn’t go the way they hoped, and may quietly wonder whether they “heard wrong” or weren’t spiritual enough to get the right answer. Name that directly: the framework in this lesson was never about guaranteeing an outcome, and a decision that didn’t turn out as hoped isn’t proof it was made badly or “against guidance.” Guidance is a practice of getting honest and clear before choosing — it isn’t a warranty on the result.
What we're assuming
- Most adults in the room are currently navigating some real decision — career, relationship, a move, a major purchase, or a family matter. They need not disclose specifics.
- Some adults will be weighing a decision that also involves other people’s lives directly — a spouse, children, an aging parent — which adds real complexity that a purely individual decision doesn’t have. Acknowledge that complexity rather than smoothing over it.
- Adults will often intellectualize before they feel anything. Expect the first few answers to be somewhat general or abstract, and stay with the group past that point.
Learning goals
What they walk away with
- A reconceived understanding of “God’s will” as accessible clarity rather than a hidden verdict to guess at or a reward for having prayed correctly.
- Fluency with the full 10-10-10 framework applied to an adult-scale decision — career, relationship, financial, or family — usable on a real choice this week.
- A concrete practice for separating genuine intuition from fear, sunk-cost thinking, other people’s expectations, or self-image protection.
- Confidence to take one honest next step without requiring certainty about the whole future — including in decisions that carry real, adult-scale consequences.
How to hold the room
Before you start talking
- Treat every decision named in the room as legitimate practice ground, whatever its scale — a career change and a decision about which car to buy can both be real and both be worth this framework.
- Your role is equipping people with a method, not weighing in on their specific choice. Resist the pull to give direct advice, even when asked.
- Watch for decisions that are entangled with grief, loss, or a relationship that sounds unsafe rather than simply hard — see “If it’s not going well” below.
- Silence is fine and often productive with adults. Don’t rush to fill it.
The lesson flow
Step by step
Each beat alternates a little input, a little doing, and a little reflecting. Skip, slow down, or stretch any of these to fit your group.
Redefining “God’s will” at adult stakes
“Somewhere along the way, a lot of us picked up the idea that ‘God’s will’ is a specific, correct answer sitting out there — Option A or Option B — and our job is to somehow guess it or wait to be shown it. That picture gets heavier with every year of adult life, because the decisions get bigger and the stakes feel less forgiving. But guidance was never a vending machine. It’s a clarity you build, through stillness and honesty, that reveals your next step — not the whole plan.”
Discussion question: “When you think back on a hard decision you’ve made, were you usually waiting for a sign — or avoiding actually deciding? What did that waiting cost you?”
10-10-10 at adult scale
Introduce (or reintroduce) the 10-10-10 framework: how will you feel about this decision in 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years?
Activity: Work through a real or hypothetical adult decision — a job offer, a move, a relationship decision, a major purchase, a family decision — across all three time horizons. Encourage people to write, not just think, through each horizon.
Discuss: “Which time horizon changed your thinking the most? Was there a horizon you were avoiding looking at honestly?”
Checking your assumptions when the stakes are real
“When the stakes are real, it gets harder, not easier, to check your own reasoning — because you have more invested in being right. Ask yourself: ‘Where might my reasoning be flawed? Am I holding onto this because it’s genuinely right for me, or because I’ve already spent time, money, or hope on it? Am I choosing this for myself, or to meet someone else’s expectations? Am I avoiding this because it’s wrong for me, or because it’s simply hard?’”
Activity: Identify one assumption underlying the decision that remains genuinely untested — something taken for granted rather than actually examined.
Read together:
“Desire is prayer; and no loss can occur from trusting God with our desires, that they may be moulded and exalted before they take form in words and in deeds.”
Science and Health, p. 1:1
You don’t need to see the whole staircase
“After this kind of honest work, certainty about the entire trajectory still isn’t available — and it isn’t required. You’re not carrying this alone, and you don’t need the whole picture. You need the next honest step, in the light you actually have right now.”
“And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it.”
Isaiah 30:21
Close by inviting each person to name, silently or aloud if they choose, one honest next step available to them this week — not the whole decision, just the next step.
What you'll need
The materials
- Paper and pens, or a shared doc if meeting virtually
- Optional printables: Visual “You Don’t Need the Whole Staircase”; Handout “The 10-10-10 Rule” (adult-decision version)
If it's not going well
When this one gets heavy
This tool is built for genuine, difficult decisions — not for crises. If what surfaces goes beyond ordinary decision-making difficulty — domestic abuse, financial desperation with real safety implications, suicidal ideation, or a significant mental health concern — pause the framework. These situations call for a counselor, physician, or appropriate crisis resource, not a deliberative exercise. Follow the site’s mentor safety guidelines (For Mentors page) and help the person connect with the right support rather than treating this lesson as sufficient on its own.
For the fuller tiered guidance — including what to do if someone discloses something serious — see For Mentors.
Help this get better
Teaching this to a group we haven't planned for?
Tell us — this only gets better with your eyes on it. We read every one of these.