A lesson · Rescue or Faith?
TeenRescue or Faith?
The help can look identical, but the thought behind it never does, and when you’re not steady yourself, your help may not be as wise as you want it to be.
Assumptions & Caveats
Before you begin
What you should know
This age is both depended on and dependent, often at the same time. A roommate who keeps spiraling, a friend’s 11 p.m. text, a sibling still at home after you’ve left, a team project where one person isn’t pulling their weight, a partner who needs more than you know how to give. Meanwhile, you’re forming your own independence and often leaning on someone else’s. Two quiet mistakes tend to show up: I’m their savior (so I carry them, resent it, and feel needed), and someone else is mine (so I wait to be rescued). A third sneaks in disguised as faith: “I’m just trusting God,” said as a polite way of stepping back. This lesson holds all three honestly. Its center is a steadying claim: no one is anyone else’s salvation, because God is the only power, so the help we give is only as wise as the thought we give it from. Be ready for real disagreement and treat it as the lesson working. Nothing to prepare beyond paper; the handouts are optional and printable.
What we're assuming
- The room holds a real range of faith backgrounds, from devout to doubting to none. The faith language below is offered as an invitation, never a requirement. A plain-language version is: “something good and bigger than any problem is in charge here — not the problem, not them, and not me.”
- Some participants are the “responsible one,” some are the one who’s needed rescuing, and some have helped imperfectly and still carry it. No one has to say which.
- Nobody has to speak. A private-reflection option is offered before any sharing.
- Participants are often under 18. Wherever the lesson says “get help,” the action is a trusted adult. Nobody here is asked to be a first responder for a friend’s crisis.
Learning goals
What they walk away with
- Can spot, in their own life, the difference between help that carries a person and help that stands beside them.
- Can name the two mirror images of rescuing, waiting to be rescued and “trusting God” as a way to step back, and why neither is faith.
- Leaves with one repeatable check to run before stepping in, and the knowledge that pausing never delays a real emergency.
- Holds the tension that someone may truly need help and that the thought behind the help matters, without resolving it neatly.
How to hold the room
Before you start talking
- Open with curiosity, not a position. You aren’t there to teach “the right way to help.”
- The big claim here is an invitation to pause, never a verdict on a past decision. If someone says, “I stepped in and it went badly,” say, “That sounds like it came from real care. This is just something to try next time.”
- Welcome disagreement, including “this is too soft” and “this is just an excuse to not help.” Both are real.
- Never ask anyone to talk about a specific friend’s private struggle. Categories (“a roommate,” “my brother”) are enough.
- Offer a private-reflection option before any sharing and a clear way to pass on any beat.
- You’re not there to resolve the paradox neatly. If the room leaves still thinking, that’s the lesson doing its work.
The lesson flow
Step by step
Each beat alternates a little input, a little doing, and a little reflecting. Skip, slow down, or stretch any of these to fit your group.
The 11 p.m. text
Read this aloud, slowly:
It’s 11:04 p.m. Your phone buzzes. It’s a friend. “Can I call you? Everything’s falling apart again.” You were about to sleep. You feel your stomach tighten, then something quieter, and a little ugly: if you don’t pick up, what happens? And underneath, if you do, what happens to you?
Ask the room to answer privately first, on paper, then offer a few volunteers: What is the voice in your head saying right now? Offer a few possibilities as options, not as answers: It’s all on me. I’m the only one who gets them. If I don’t, something bad happens. I’m tired of this and I feel guilty for being tired.
Then say: “That voice has a name. It’s the thought of the savior. I’m carrying them, and if I let go, they fall.”
Three grounds, and what the texts say
Offer the three grounds, written where everyone can see:
- The only power: Is God the only power here? Not the problem, not them, not me. Only God has power in this moment.
- Them: Are they able and whole? Capable of their own good. They don’t need me to survive, to make it.
- Me: Am I on solid ground? Able to hear wisdom and discernment: calm, clear, unhurried, before I act.
Plain-language: “Something good and bigger than this is in charge. They’re able. And I’m steady enough to listen.”
Read these together, letting each sit:
“There is no power apart from God. Omnipotence has all-power, and to acknowledge any other power is to dishonor God.”
Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy, p. 228:25-27
”‘Work out your own salvation,’ is the demand of Life and Love, for to this end God worketh with you.”
Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy, p. 22:11-12
”...to show them how to do theirs, but not to do it for them nor to relieve them of a single responsibility.”
Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy, p. 18:6-9
Then hold two lines of Paul together, and don’t resolve them:
“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.”
Galatians 6:2, KJV
“For every man shall bear his own burden.”
Galatians 6:5, KJV
Ask: “Both are in the same chapter. What do you do with that?” Let the room sit with it.
Same moment, two thoughts
In pairs (or privately), take one of the moments below. Each has two versions of the same help, where the thought behind it is different. Ask the pair to name the thought on each side and what might feel different afterward, to the helper and to the person helped.
- A friend venting again. One helps by handing out advice nobody asked for (“I have to fix this pain”). Another listens (“they already hold their next step”) and often, the friend finds it.
- A sibling who needs money again. One wires it and resents it, or refuses and calls it “tough love” (“I’m their only rescue”). Another decides what they can give freely, says it kindly, and trusts the sibling (“I’m not their source”).
- A teammate who’s behind. One quietly redoes their part and feels needed (“nobody else will catch it”). Another asks what’s blocking them, and gives what they can freely.
Then name, plainly, the two mirror images, the same mistake in different clothes:
- Waiting to be rescued. My wellbeing rests on someone else being my savior. (It looks like dependence, or hoping the right friend, partner, or teacher will fix it.)
- “I’m just trusting God.” Said as a polite way of stepping back from a person who actually needs a hand. (It sounds like faith. It’s really stepping away. Faith stays.)
Say: “From the outside, the help can look identical. The thought behind it never does.” Also say the paradox out loud: “They may truly, humanly need your help: a ride, a meal, a hospital, a listening ear. That is real, and nothing here asks you to pretend otherwise. The question was never whether. It’s what thought you’re helping from.”
A pause, a flow, and a private locate
Offer the bold claim, honestly, as an invitation. Say: “If I’m in panic, having crowned myself the savior, I may not make wise decisions.” Then read:
”[In mental practice you must not forget that] erring human opinions, conflicting selfish motives, and ignorant attempts to do good may render you incapable of knowing or judging accurately the need of your fellow-men.”
Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy, p. 447:6-9
and, for the calm side:
“Let neither fear nor doubt overshadow your clear sense and calm trust.”
Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy, p. 495:16-18
Say the honesty note plainly, because it matters: Eddy wrote 447:6-9 about mental practice (a healing context), and 495:16-18 about being tempted by the illusion of sickness or sin. Applying them to everyday helping is an extension, a facilitator’s reading, not something she wrote about relationships. Hold it as an invitation to pause, never as a verdict on anyone’s past decisions.
Walk through the flow (post it, or use the handout): five questions, in order. Quality of thought comes first.
START: Someone I love is struggling, and I feel the pull to step in.
- Is anyone in danger right now? If yes, tell a trusted adult right away. Their need is real. You don’t have to hold it alone.
- Am I grounded: God the only power, me able to listen? If no, pause and get grounded. Breathe. Pray, or just listen. A hurried decision isn’t wise yet. Come back when calm.
- Do I see them as able, not needing me to survive? If no, look again. God is their power, not me. Name one real strength in them. Then ask again.
- Did they ask, or did I decide for them? (Yes = they asked. No = I decided.) If I decided: offer, don’t impose. “I’m here. What would help?” Then listen, and let them decide.
- Would I be doing what they can do themselves? If yes: walk beside. Ask questions, name their strengths, stay close without taking over. If no: give freely. They may truly need a ride, a meal, an ear. Give it, no strings, no scorekeeping.
Either way: Stay close. God is the only power, already at work in them. I’m a friend, not the source.
For a quick gut-check, offer the four pressure tests: If this goes badly, do I feel it all rests on me? Can I name one real strength in them that this can’t touch? Is the leading I hear calm and clear, or loud and rushed? If they never thank me or take my advice, am I still steady? A panic answer means pause first, then come back.
Close with a private locate: “Think of one real situation. Is there someone you’ve been ‘carrying’? Or someone you’ve been waiting on to rescue you? What would the pause look like this week?” Write it or hold it. Nobody shares. Hand out the wallet card and the flow.
What you'll need
The materials
- Paper and pens, or a private digital note
- This lesson’s printable handouts: the flow chart and the wallet card — one of each per person to keep.
If it's not going well
When this one gets heavy
Silence is fine; let it sit. Pushback (“this sounds like an excuse not to help” or “what if my friend really can’t handle it?”) is welcome and deserves a real answer: the lesson never asks anyone to withhold needed care, and “wholeness” is never a reason to walk away. Question 1 always comes first. A strong emotional reaction, such as a student who has been carrying a friend or family member for a long time, or who feels nobody carries them, calls for a pause, grounding the room, and a private check-in; offer space to step out. If a student describes a friend or family member in danger, or hurting themselves or being hurt, don’t work through it in the room. Stop facilitating, thank them for telling you, don’t promise secrecy, bring in a trusted adult, and follow the site’s mentor safety guidelines along with your own local mandatory-reporting obligations.
For the fuller tiered guidance — including what to do if someone discloses something serious — see For Mentors.
Help this get better
Teaching this to a group we haven't planned for?
Tell us — this only gets better with your eyes on it. We read every one of these.