A lesson · When Someone Feels Like the Enemy
Grade 6-8When Someone Feels Like the Enemy
Why “love your enemies” isn’t the same as “there are no enemies.”
Assumptions & Caveats
Before you begin
What you should know
This age deals with real, current peer conflict — bullying, shifting friend groups, an ex-friend, sometimes family friction — and holds it with a level of self-consciousness that makes “share this out loud” feel risky in a way it didn’t a few years ago. The theology here is the same as the 14-21 lesson and doesn’t need to be watered down; middle schoolers can handle the real distinction between loving someone, liking them, excusing what they did, staying close to them, and trusting them again. What changes is the format: build in a private, non-shared way into every beat that touches something personal, so nobody feels cornered into disclosing more than they want to.
What we're assuming
- Almost everyone in the room has someone right now who feels like an adversary — a bully, an ex-friend, someone at school, occasionally a family member. Nobody will be asked to name who.
- Sharing is always optional. Every reflective moment in this lesson can be done privately, on paper, with nothing read aloud.
- The feeling is real and won’t be argued away, and that’s fine — this lesson isn’t trying to talk anyone out of how they feel.
Learning goals
What they walk away with
- Knows that naming something as hard, or someone as currently acting like an enemy, isn’t a spiritual or personal failure — it’s honesty.
- Understands the difference between pretending a hurt isn’t real and refusing to let it decide how they act.
- Can name one concrete, felt difference between “loving” someone and “liking,” “excusing,” or “staying close to” them.
- Has practiced imagining one response rooted in love instead of retaliation — without anyone telling them they have to feel ready to forgive.
How to hold the room
Before you start talking
- This is not a lesson about forcing forgiveness or minimizing real harm. Be careful never to let “love your enemy” sound like “let them keep hurting you.” Loving someone never requires staying close to them.
- Real, current conflict may surface here — bullying, shifting friendships, family friction, worse. Nobody has to name names, and every private-journaling moment is genuinely optional to skip or to share.
- Watch the pace. This can tip into guilt (“I’m supposed to love everyone, so what’s wrong with me”) if you rush it. Slow down, especially on beat three.
- Middle schoolers are often more guarded about being watched while vulnerable than either younger or older participants. Don’t call on anyone by name during the private beats — let sharing stay fully volunteer.
The lesson flow
Step by step
Each beat alternates a little input, a little doing, and a little reflecting. Skip, slow down, or stretch any of these to fit your group.
Naming It (private journal)
Privately, on paper: think of someone who currently feels like an adversary to you — a bully, an ex-friend, someone at school, maybe someone in your family. Don’t judge the feeling, just notice it’s there. This page is yours; you won’t be asked to share it or read from it.
Two Things Jesus Didn’t Say
Share this out loud: the teaching is “love your enemies” — not “pretend you don’t have any.” It doesn’t say the friction isn’t there. It says something harder: see it clearly, and respond with love anyway. Discuss: What’s the difference between pretending someone didn’t hurt you, and choosing not to hate them back? (Real discussion, sharing optional — anyone who’d rather journal this one privately can.)
What Love Actually Requires (and Doesn’t)
This is the important one — take it slow. Give a few quiet minutes first for private journaling before any group sharing: sort through the difference between loving someone, liking them, excusing what they did, staying close to them, and trusting them again. Love doesn’t require any of the other four. You can love someone, mean it, and still keep real distance and real boundaries. Discuss (after private journaling — sharing still optional): What would loving this person — without excusing what happened or staying close — actually look like, concretely?
Here’s another piece worth adding: holding someone as “the enemy” in your head — replaying the story, staying stuck on how much you dislike them — doesn’t just describe them. It can start affecting you too. Science and Health puts it this way:
“Any human error is its own enemy, and works against itself.”
Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, Mary Baker Eddy, pp. 400:30–15
In plain words: staying fixed on someone else’s mistake doesn’t just sit there quietly — it can start working against the person carrying it around, which is you. You can still keep your distance from someone who’s treated you badly. You just don’t have to also carry them around in your head as “the enemy.” Seeing them as still a whole person — even while you stay away from what they did — can be less exhausting than carrying the grudge. Discuss (private journal first, sharing optional): Is there someone you’ve been carrying around in your head as “the enemy”? What would it feel like to keep your distance from them and put the story down?
Practicing the Harder Thing
Without naming the person, journal or discuss quietly: what’s one small way you could respond to that hard relationship this week from love instead of anger? Close with this: you don’t have to pretend it doesn’t hurt. You don’t have to like them. You just get to choose what kind of person you are in how you respond.
What you'll need
The materials
- Paper and pens for private journaling — or a private document/notes app if meeting virtually, as long as it stays private to that participant
- Optional printable: Handout “Two Dials” — Love and closeness aren’t the same dial — mark where you are on each one today
If it's not going well
When this one gets heavy
“Love your enemies” can be dangerously misread as “stay, and endure it.” It never means that. If a young person describes anything that sounds like ongoing bullying, escalating conflict, or an unsafe relationship — at school, online, or at home — gently set the lesson’s discussion aside and go straight to safety. Loving someone is never a reason to stay somewhere unsafe. Follow the site’s mentor safety guidelines (For Mentors page) for how to respond and, where needed, involve a parent, guardian, or school counselor.
For the fuller tiered guidance — including what to do if someone discloses something serious — see For Mentors.
Help this get better
Teaching this to a group we haven't planned for?
Tell us — this only gets better with your eyes on it. We read every one of these.